Last night made me squirm.
Mom, Lydia and I had traveled to observe a highly recommended violin teacher. After watching the excellent group lesson of 9-10 skillful children, there was opportunity to meet the teacher.
"Hi! You must be Rebecca Serven", the friendly teacher said as he greeted my mom.
"Oh--no, that is my daughter", Mom responded pointing to me. "I'm just the mom--she is the musician. That's why she would be coming to the lessons with Lydia."
"So, do you play the violin?" the teacher asked, turning his attention to me.
"No, not really. The piano is my main instrument", I answered.
"And where have you played?"
I got a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach and turned beet red. He was looking for "Carnegie Hall", "The Hollywood Bowl", or "with the St. Louis Philharmonic".
"Uh . . ." I stumbled and tried to prove my musical existence. "Well, I haven't really done
that kind of playing . . .(racking my brain--Where
have I played over these last 18 years that sounds somewhat credible??)."
I finally stuttered, "I did work as the pianist for our, uh, local High School and Jr. Highs. And I've taught piano lessons for 10 years!"
Sigh.
Even as I write this story out, those same feelings of inferiority creep in. In these times, it is very easy to feel like a smooshed piece of food on the bottom of someone's shoe.
After the conversation though, I started thinking.
I am full of pride. I don't want to be humbled. I want to be the top, prove I'm the best, and be praised for it. My flesh wants to say with affected humility, "Well, I've only played at the Carnegie once or twice."
Musicians, myself included, can easily fall into the "I'm-the-best-and-I-can-prove-it" trap. And it is encouraged in the musical community. Now I must give a caveat here--the teacher with whom I spoke is a genuine, unassuming man who is excellent at his craft. He was merely asking a question that would be polite to ask any aspiring musician of my age. I am criticizing my own propensity to pridefulness.
But then, I realized that I forgot to tell the teacher something.
In the quickness of the moment and wanting to give credibility to myself, I forgot the best part. I've played lots of places. I've played for precious little munchkins, my sweet and affirming family, my dear students, my generous friends and the holy King of Kings. What more could you ask for in an audience?
Sure, the setting has not always been grand, nor the pianos in tune. But I must be confident. Not in name dropping or false boasting, but in humility know that my feeble attempts please the Almighty and Glorious King of Kings. We are called to be humble and joyful in God, who graciously chooses to use His servants for His glory.
James 3:13-17
Who is wise and understanding among you? Let him show by good conduct that his works are done in the meekness of wisdom. But if you have bitter envy and self seeking in your hearts, do not boast and lie against the truth. This wisdom does not descend from above, but is earthly, sensual, demonic. For where envy and self seeking exist, confusion and every evil thing are there. But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, willing to yield, full of mercy, and good fruits, without partiality and without hypocrisy.