So often have I found my heart drawn into the trap of the comparison game.
I start being competitive, make myself into a rival, and fall into envying my neighbor's gifts and graces. Someone else who is better at conversation, has a more outgoing personality, reads more, writes more, or is doing more significant things for Christ's Kingdom, can tempt me to fall into the sin of comparison. The things that tempt you will probably be different than mine. Perhaps you look at a person with a "meek and quiet spirit" and just wish you could be like them. Or maybe you see someone else's family and think, "Oh--if I could only be a part of them!"
In addition, how easy it is to start puffing up one's own importance and falling into boasting with conceit. How our flesh longs to be the best, the prettiest, the most competent, the smartest, the kindest, the most obedient, the wisest, the most whatever. And some of these qualities are not wicked, but the heart of pride that accompanies it makes it sin.
Envy and RivalryThe comparison game can prey on a variety of unlikely victims. The young mother whose baby tends to be fussy. A father who works in a service oriented job. A quieter girl who is learning to be friendly. A young man who is drawn to one particular area of work or ministry that is not very "popular" or well looked upon. Each of these people and in many other circumstances can easily fall into envying.
Scripture warns us in
2 Corinthians 10:7-18 that "when they measure themselves by one another and compare themselves with one another, they are without understanding" (vs. 12). Other translations say "they are not wise". It is not a beneficial habit to start walking down the road of comparison. We are not to compare ourselves with others who seemingly are "superior" to us viewing ourselves as the lowest of the low. The Lord has entrusted things to us because He love us. We are called to be humble, faithful stewards confident of the Lord's call upon our lives. "For it is not the one who commends himself who is approved but the one whom the Lord commends" (vs. 18).
As the Lord has drawn the hearts of my sister and me together in friendship, we discovered that we were both envious of each others gifts and graces. I thought she was "better" than I (she is more energetic, practical, and has a make-it-happen personality) and she thought I was "better" than she (I tend to be more analytical, detailed, and artistic). How our folly got us into deep waters! Comparing and envy do not bear good fruit. We were so silly. The Lord gave each of us a sister who perfectly complemented our strengths and weaknesses and created the other sister for us to learn from and be blessed by. The Lord so graciously convicted us of the sin of envy and rivalry.
We are not "to show partiality" (
James 2:1-13) to one person over another; putting ourselves down and placing others on a pedestal. God created each of us for His purpose and glory. He has entrusted gifts for us to use and faithfully steward. These gifts may not be important to us, but God, our kind Father, has assigned them to us. We are called to rejoice in who God has created us to be, and to glorify him by what he has appointed us to steward.
Boasting and Conceit
On the other side of the coin, sometimes we can struggle with boasting of our position, gifts, person, family, or influence. A heart of conceit is just as sinful as one of envy and rivalry.
God has ". . . called us to a holy calling, not because of our works but because of his own purpose and grace . . ." (
2 Timothy 1:9). The things we do are not because we are so great, but because God is gracious. He has called us to do a job--because of his own purposes and to show his mighty grace.
We are not to glory in who we are, but to "love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor" (
Romans 12:9-21). "In humility", we are called to "count others more significant than yourselves" (
Philippians 2:1-12).
To him who much is given, much will be required (
Luke 12:35-48). If the Lord has entrusted you with much, you must seek to be a good steward of what he has given you. Seek the Lord to give you a teachable heart of humility, discipleship, and servant hood as you use your "
talent" for his glory.
Stewardship Over Your Part of the WallWhen you find yourself falling into the comparison game, consider who you are working to please--man or God? We are servants of Christ (
Galatians 1:10). We should only seek His approval and delight (
1 Thessalonians 2:4). We should want it said of us "Well done good and faithful servant. You have been faithful over a little; I will set you over much. Enter into the joy of your master" (
Matthew 25:14-30).
To combat a comparing spirit, apply
1 Thessalonians 4:10b-12 to your life. Paul, speaking regarding brotherly love, entreats, "But we urge you, brothers, to do this [love one another] more and more, and to aspire to live quietly, and to mind your own affairs, and to work with your hands, as we instructed you, so that you may walk properly before outsiders and be dependent on no one."
As in the time of Nehemiah, the Lord has assigned to each person and family, different parts of the wall on which to labor. One man may be assigned to shepherd a local flock. Other men are called to be evangelists on a street corner, others in a broader sphere of Christians seek to be "prophets" proclaiming God's truth, while others have a deep one on one relationship with only a few people. One man is not better than another. God has "assigned" to them "an area of influence" on a different part of the wall (
2 Corinthians 10:13). The numbers don't matter. The "significance" in the world's eyes does not matter. Your stewardship over your life does matter.
For us women, the same principle holds true. Whether you have few or many siblings or children, live in the country or the city, have a simple or complex mind, play instruments or love animals, you are called to be a good steward.
Each part of the wall needs to be repaired. Each part is vital. In the Lord's eyes not one task or person is more important than another. We should not seek to put others down with boasting or conceit, or compare ourselves to another with a self deprecating or envious heart. Repent of your sin before the Lord. Put off the old man and put on the new. The things we admire in others should stir us up to love and good works (
Hebrews 10:24). Before the Lord, we should seek to "be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that in the Lord your labor is not in vain" (
1 Corinthians 15:58).
Take some time to carefully read these thoughts from a group of wise pastors from the 1600's known as the
Westminster Divines. Here they consider the 5th commandment on honoring parents. Think about its implications to the sin of comparison.
“Honor your father and your mother,
that your days may be long in the land
that the Lord your God is giving you."
Exodus 20:12 Q. 126. What is the general scope of the fifth commandment?
A. The general scope of the fifth commandment is, the performance of those duties which we mutually owe in our several relations, as inferiors, superiors, or equals.
Q. 131. What are the duties of equals?A. The duties of equals are, to regard the dignity and worth of each other, in giving honour to go one before another; and to rejoice in each others’ gifts and advancement, as their own.
Q. 132. What are the sins of equals?
A. The sins of equals are, besides the neglect of the duties required, the undervaluing of the worth, envying the gifts, grieving at the advancement of prosperity one of another; and usurping pre-eminence one over another.
Taken from the Westminster Larger Catechism.